Telos of Perfection

Expulsion propulses my devotion to what who knows no one know what they’re doing they just go whatever direction the instinct begs of them and they run around like chickens with no heads pretending it’s all justified and they know what they’re doing like threes a reason or a direction were going but we zig zag into eternity and eventually till all fall apart like sandcastles, even the grains of sand will disintegrate eventually and that’s a fate we don’t want to face so were racing to stay alive it’s impossible we only prolong the inevitable but it’s good to prolong so we can enjoy it longer and that all we really want is to enjoy but we forget to do that when were racing, but the more we race the more time we have to enjoy its enigmatic in a way we just have to find the balance well that what the universe is all about if there is a telos the final end is in the balance and that’s why the grains will disintegrate because everything will be equally distributed uniform and united in its oneness and maybe that’s the way it already is underneath just when that happens on that level it bubbles up expressions of itself to the next and it peeks through into a new universe well who knows threes no way to say for sure what will or can happen in other worlds but if they can be and they’re anything thing like this one it’s possible that they bubble up all the time and it’s just ridiculous to think that we can know details beyond the scope of our perceptions because without that were just feeling around in the dark with no direction and no one knows what they’re doing they just go whatever direction their instincts beg of them well that’s not so different that the world we see now which really could be just shadows on the cave wall but that’s all we have and all we can see so we need to deal with that and that’s the only thing that’s real for us even if there is so much more out there, because maybe threes nothing else out there, but threes no way to know or argue much less a way to put it into words which are designed to transmit sensory perceptions and neural reactions and they do so imperfectly anyway so were confounded in our communications I wish we cloud send our thoughts more perfectly and eliminate the problems that come with it we would know that we are similar to others not just humans but animals who share our feelings and instincts and all are just feeling around blindly in the dark trying to live and feel happy and satisfied and comfortable and escape from pain and suffering and it’s all so cyclical and I can see why some people are so cynical and I can see why some people are so amazed at the complexity, but the simplicity, the elegance, all the elements coming together only later to fly apart, are we trying to find the parameters for a universe that can sustain life forever?

Coronation

February 20, 2010

Excuse me but I feel like I did something right today though I can’t put my finger on I just don’t want to linger on the thought and try to figure it out because this is something I just have to get out right now I’m falling asleep and I think things are really just starting to come together for some reason or another maybe I’m just exited for the future there’s a change for some change and I can rearrange some things and maybe feel some more freedom from the things that have been bothering me and get along into the next chapter where I just keep writing and a decided to write some novels and trouble myself to design a tome by taking ancient wisdom and analyzing it deciphering the voices form the past and reformulating all that wisdom into contemporary works and applying it to emerging fields with their own issues and new things new ideas its just all bubbling over with innovation and creation and endogenous destruction to make way for the new, replacing the antiquated structures and traditions that have become obsolete or a hindrance to our progress and that’s another thing I’m here for, not just to push for progress but the clear the brush from the past to clear the way for the future, and break down these hindering hampering ideas that seize upon our weaknesses and allow for easy exploitation the raping of humanity by humanity continues to this day but I’m optimistic that it’s on its way slowly out exiting stage left and falling by the wayside never to return and if it shows it face or we catch its scent again we’ll eradicate it from existence time and time against as long as it takes to make sure that we don’t have to deal with the atrocities we see perpetrated today, some say I’m overly optimistic, I’m a dreamer, I’m some delusional romantic fool who sees human nature in a rosy colored way, and I just can’t take off my glasses, but maybe I did take off the glasses, they’re just all wearing gloom colored glasses, or forget the metaphor, It’s about self fulfilling prophecy and they fail to see that their outlook becomes their reality and it’s me, it the happy hopefully and optimistic outlook that can save us, we have to fight for what’s right but if we’re not fighting for our species to succeed and be happy and comfortable and continue on into the future indefinitely with as little suffering as possible then what are we doing anyway, just making it through? Just getting through the days? I say that’s not acceptable, no way, there’s got to be a better way and we’re going to make it emerge, it’s already been emerging through history, the cosmic baby, one day to be born.

Inner Strength

February 12, 2010

I’ve got somewhere to go and I know I figured it out but I’m trying to go and I can’t I keep interrupting my flow, my skill level is too low I’ve got to grow, so I take a step back and listen learn, practice, I’ve got to get this right I’ve got everything at stake and I know I can make something worthwhile of this life, I can make a difference, I know I can adjust the flow, the life-stream through the universe, the future, it’s there in front of me and I don’t want to be idle, I don’t want to let myself go by just a nothing no one never knew me, it’s not about me it’s about what I see, and I see positively the positivity of humanity and what we can be, our excellence. So I say but I really must display the results of my foray headlong into everything, I’ve been reckless and made a mess of things but I never had reservations to go all the way and disregard the advice of anyone who tried to tell me I was wrong, and maybe some of them knew better all along, tried to protect me, or tried to correct me, but no matter how many times I’ve fallen, been defeated, or gave up on life, they’d always resurrect me, or maybe I did it to myself a few times, I just didn’t see how long it would be and I didn’t prepare myself for the journey, now I’m older a bit wiser I feel like I focused on the wrong situations the wrong areas my arrogance kind of blinded me, but maybe I was just a child of the times and riding on the wagon of the spirit of the age in American in the 1990’s, while everyone was telling me we were the best and I was such a smart kid, I felt like that was probably good enough and most people were beneath me, I still have my doubts but it was beneficial in a way as it gave me the confidence to converse with anyone and defend myself, I just had to tune up the finesse, so I never really regressed I guess I just slowed down and ruminated a few times, cognitively, and now I know there’s only one way to go and that’s forward, onward, toward the noble vision that drives me to be every bit as powerful, fulfilled, and self-actualized I can be, but now I fully embrace how that means I embrace everyone as me, and my self-actualization is world-actualization, life-actualization and what drives me is that I can drive the future of humanity. I can do this. My skills are getting to the level where I can taken the greatest challenges of human problems and they’ll put me in the zone, where I flow, unbiased, and shred away the falsity of what flaws we’ve fallen for and exalt what perfects us and our societies.

Until Now

February 1, 2010

Why are we here? I keep asking, wondering, why? I guess there is no explanation, but whatever we say. Maybe there’s no causal relation, no way. To have events unfold and say, “Well that was the purpose” is just self-explanatory, but… that’ll be why, whatever ends up happening, that’ll be why we’re here. But, how will it happen, and how did it come about? I guess that’s a work in progress, eh? What am I missing here? It seemed to clear before with the scientific materialism and everything, but now that I’m really looking into these arguments, I don’t really know what to think anymore. I’m lost in the sauce, again, and I the more I read, the more I think, the more I consider, the more I think… maybe I’ve been wrong about all this. Fundamental restructuring, time again maybe for the tide to turn and I don’t know whose favor it’s in, maybe truth’s. Maybe truth doesn’t favor us. Maybe we’re too aloof. There’s got to be a better way because biology’s so wasteful, and to me, that lack of efficiency is much too distasteful. But I don’t have the taste for such a waste, and such a waste of space. I fear, I’m something like an engineer at heart, and if there’s a God, he’s more like an artist.

But art is representative, expressive, and has a purpose, does it not? So if this artist were to exist, what would it be trying to convey? Would it be pure self-gratification, or showing off of one’s imagination? Creation, simply for the satisfaction? For contention? Maybe if I even knew what I wanted, I’d better be able to tell.

Why am I so confused these days? Is there an explanation?

§

Everything’s so connected, there’s no empty space, supposedly it’s all just a bubbling brew of virtual particles and even a vacuum isn’t truly empty. There’s something there, everywhere you go, and everywhere you go, we’re connected, through the substance of the universe, dispersed in all directions, formed in different collections, extrapolated, interpolated, exquisitely, intimately. Everything is the universe. ‘Nothing’ is physically impossible.

December 11, 2009

The universe is unfolding its complexity before our eyes as we watch in awe and wonder, embracing the emotion with which we feel we are profoundly connected to this process, deeply implicated in the nature and memory of this vast, intricate evolution of inconceivable grandeur, consisting of virtually infinite infinitesimal interacting and interconnected elements.

§

I don’t want to die, I don’t want to loose, I want to win but I don’t want to abuse anyone or climb over others to rise to the top of the pile of bodies beneath me though I don’t know, there are too many, in-groups and out-groups and to which do I want to belong? And why do I even care, what’s driving me where and why? can I ever know these processes driving me from so far below that I can’t see even in my abstractions there are too many distractions and too much division I just want the connection but I loose my direction due to my nature that constrains me and brings pain to me but it’s so necessary for part of the universe is me and I fit into it quite naturally flowing and influencing the whole equation in question in the direction that its going I’m essential just as is everything, known and unknown, but I’m going to be gone too soon to see the beauty of it all and I can’t fathom it but I know we can together, we have to work together and set aside our animosity and I know this is what Jesus meant when he said to turn the other cheek, he knew something didn’t he? He was a true humanist, or maybe I should say universalist, but it doesn’t matter, people have misunderstood and perverted those values and made a mockery of them in Christianity, but we all know that we’re connected, like I said it’s our animal instincts and imperfect understanding that are misdirecting us to conflict and to what we deem unethical such that we would damn each other to hell, which is just a way for us to envision the suffering of others with whom we disagree, but in doing so we fail to see that we’re all part of this universe universally eternally and even our animosity is part of its tautology, eventually we’ll merge with the virtual infinity of the energy consciously, and maybe that’s what they mean by salvation, but we already are merged with it substantially and seriously the material that makes up our bodies has been analogous to this energy from the beginning, so we’re already profoundly related to everything and in a way we already are an extension or motion of everything, in a way we are everything and maybe that’s what we mean when we talk about God, and we just keep pitting our approaches against each other although we’re looking in the same direction. I’ll die and my consciousness will fail before we get there consciously and collectively, but I take comfort in knowing that am already in a way connected and that by existing and suffering and striving I have been a contribution to the progress of the process and as I marvel at the wonder that the future, like the past and present, holds, the universe is moving in all places at once and all parts are harmonizing in the symphony of what is everything, forever.

August 27, 2009

Eternal burning light behind blinding defying trying to do what’s right fighting fierce keep going forever we never stop we don’t fail flop fall or finish forever infinite and then there’s no purpose we just continue doing what we do, why not? It’s something, better than nothing keep moving pursuing nothing or something, understanding of everything, what then? We begin finally to be what we ought to be, eternal burning light

August 19, 2009

I attempt to design the future and end up in failure, but it doesn’t matter, it’s all about the attempt, and to contemplate the failure to meet the point of aim is to validate and confirm the failure itself. Continuing to move, take aim again, readjust, position, and press on converts the prior failure into a mere specter of that lives only in memory, and dies with the mind, but what lives on is the process of life’s improvement of itself, and it can prevail, only if we continue to move forward into infinity, or maybe to singularity, to reverse the entropy. It could be that there is no purpose, but all we know is that we have to keep going, because we don’t want to die, we don’t want life to die, even if we must, and we know that it won’t. One way or another, and even if life does die in the universe, the matter or the universe will continue to fluctuate, and continue in its process, though it seems it would be such a waste to be unable to observe it. That’s just my anthropic bias, but It could be that our existence is a teleological… or not. It doesn’t matter, what matters is what matters to us, and what matters to us is our comfort, which can only be thoroughly and completely enjoyed in the absence of all discomfort, which requires perfection of our harmony, both with each-other, and the universe. I hypothesize that, possibly, if we have a purpose, this is it, and it is instinctive in all of us, as it is an all life, and carried out by DNA.

April 11, 2009

This struggle for success is so stressful, but I believe it is worth it, and I try to give up, there are a million ways to do it, but I can’t stop myself from keeping on trying. It makes me sad to see so many people putting down their arms and submitting to the stresses and the stressors. They can’t defeat us, because they are not even against us, we just see them that way. We have to keep going and if we bump into each other we just have to excuse ourselves and not pay attention to the reaction of the other, like particles, we’re all like particles and we all serve our purposes, sentient and wavering in our sentience, unsure of ourselves like young animals, we’re growing more stable by the century, forging our path into the universe, to make ourselves free from our own instincts and self-inflicted oppressions. We can succeed, we tell ourselves, and we will, and we will. This is the only thought that keeps me going. We will be perfect. What else are we working towards? The balance between construction and deconstruction is swinging like a pendulum, with decreasing returns. The balance is our goal, but in the swinging is where the progress happens.

December 21, 2008 (Corrections and addition December 11, 2009)

Why don't I know everything? I am trying but I fail so often and I succumb to failure too often more often than I'd like to admit and yes I agree that this is a gentle place and it nurtures my need to live for survival it's insane to think how fragile we are and how complex you know we could be crushed by the slightest change in environment in comparison to universal fluctuation you can't expand it too much but nature will take care of what it can, I wonder if this is the only planet in the galaxy that can sustain life, who knows, but maybe we are the only hope, but what are we hoping for? Life? To keep it going? This would make it one long game of keep it up, but I think we can keep it up... it's better than the alternative, you know? so I'll do what I can to keep it up while everyone else I know just tries to keep themselves up or maybe not even that much, fucking idiots, I hate most of them, and I mean hate as in I wouldn't mind if they destroyed themselves simplifying things for me. But I know that’s just stupid and selfish so I am ambivalent, I don't want to contribute to their destruction, but I know they strive for mine, and those like me, and I see they are stifling the progress of what is good in humanity so, turning the other cheek is bullshit, or is it? I don’t know, but while we are beneath them in power we have little choice but not to dare stand against them lest we be destroyed by their gangs of infidels, the weak, the stupid, the egoist tyrants, the morally poor, the substandard, the willfully ignorant, all the lazy, lazy people, the ones who contribute little or nothing yet still demand the entitlement of the greatest of all men, and worse even those who seize the greatest entitlements by force and horde so they can force others to submit to their every will, wish, and demand, and those are the greatest problems facing humanity, one the self-suppression of our natural industry and two the demand we sacrifice the fruits of our industry for someone better off than we. But I fear that in trying to combat this, fighting fire with fire will only compound the problem, the root of my frustration, which nourishes my misdirection. It’s insane to think how fragile we are and how we barely hang on as robust as we’ve become to endure adversity, all matter is barely even there, and we’re so scarcely hanging on to existence all the time, by the threads that connect us, existence emerges so vigilantly and bravely to push against the possibility of its extinction.

(unknown date)

I'm tired of all these spam artists, using deceptive measures to exploit people and suck the value out of them, they're parasites, the people who are ruining the world, and there are more of them than us. We need to bypass their snares.

(unknown date)

Forget the world, and let it go, to save it you have to forget it and do you what you know is right, the best, your best is impossible when you're not thinking about your place in the universe, inspiration arises in the mind’s recognition of its potential to be free from evolutionary baggage. Once you put your mind into the world it's forever changed, but within the solace of our own minds we are all immutable, strong, and solid, like a diamond. Gems of the mind are abundant.